FAS

Can My Learning Disabled Child Go to College Someday?

FosterMommy — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:21:07 -0600

When your child was diagnosed as LD, learning disabled, did you give up dreams of sending your child off to college? College or higher education may still be an option for your learning disabled adult child if you do some research. Not everyone who attends college receives a degree; some receive training, or certifications in trades. These certifications typically require less classroom time and some offer a lot less reading which appeals to many adults with LD. Some of the trades programs do not have set classroom hours. This flexibility may suit an LD adult who struggles with keeping track of time and schedules.

When Consequences Are Not Effective

FosterMommy — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:36:35 -0600

Welcome to older child adoption when giving consequences to your child for the wrong behavior do not have the effect that the parents desire. Traumatized children do not respond to the disciplinary measures in ways that “normal” children respond. Yet, most of us stubborn parents continue to try, much to our own frustration. Of course, that results in a lot of negative interaction between the parents and child. Eventually, the relationship disintegrates to an antagonistic co-existence waiting for the eighteenth birthday. Although, some parents disrupt the adoption out of pure frustration and some place the children in out-of-home placements. Some parents figure it out, change their methods, and salvage the relationship.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: Inconsistent Learning Disorders

JuliaFuller — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 04:00:06 -0600

The most frustrating thing about parenting a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome has got to be the inconsistencies in day-to-day abilities and knowledge. Yesterday, your child knew all of the multiplication facts, however, today, not even one can be remembered. Yesterday, your child could run a vacuum, today it might as well be a spaceship. As a parent, it is difficult to not become frustrated or even angry with the child.

Many parents interpret this not remembering as defiance. Sometimes it is hard to remember that it is not. My teenage daughter has gotten into the bad habit of producing a little smirk on her face every time a parent questions something she did. This certainly does increase the perception that she is being mischievous or naughty.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: Clothing Inappropriate for Occasion

JuliaFuller — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:02:25 -0500

Does your child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome dress inappropriately for the occasion? Some examples that come to mind are wearing shorts and no jacket in cold weather or wearing turtlenecks and sweaters in summer. There is more to it than that though. I have one daughter that dresses for a fashion show everyday, even if we will not be leaving the house. A friend shared with me that her teenage daughter with FAS does the same thing. Even if she knows she will be cleaning, painting, or shoveling out horse stalls, it does not change her clothing choices.

Because we homeschool, there are days when we never leave our own yard. Yet my teenage daughter with FAS spends an hour or more getting ready. Not only does she dress well, adding a suit jacket or sweater, but she also accessorizes, and perfects her hair. This is one area of her development where she is age appropriate. A friend shared that she gets angry at her daughter for wearing her best clothes to scrub floors. I tend to ignore it for several reasons. I have an older daughter who dressed nice at home, but dressed in raggedy play clothes every time she had an appointment. Therefore, I prefer the dressing up all the time. Secondly, I buy clothes on sale, accept hand-me-downs, and occasionally go to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. If the nice dress clothes cost no more than a pair of jeans what difference does it make if she ruins them while cleaning?

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: Fabricating Stories

JuliaFuller — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 19:09:56 -0500

Has your child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome ever fabricated a story for no apparent reason. Periodically, our teenage daughter will just start weaving a tale out of what appears to be the clear blue sky. Recently, she created a cheesecake story. I was a little suspicious at first because she had a little smirk on her face. I should have gone with my gut feeling. I am just clueless behind the reason of the story. It came out of nowhere; and it achieved nothing positive for her. She ended up being cajoled by her father and me for lying. I asked her the next day what that was all about and received the usual reply, “I don’t know.”

Just How Bad Can Life Be With An Adopted Traumatized Child?

FosterMommy — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:21:31 -0500

Just how bad can life be with an adopted traumatized child? After all, it is just a child, right? For most people a picture comes to mind of a sweet cuddly child, who is just looking for love, understanding, and positive reinforcement. With enough love, any child can be turned around. Those people who fail, they just do not try hard enough or they are just too critical. Before I began more than a decade of foster care, I might have said these things myself. Before I began fostering older children, I believed these things myself. After years of attending support group meetings, providing respite care to desperate parents, and mentoring foster, and adoptive parents I know a different truth. If you have not parented a child like this, then you have no clue what it can be like living 24/7 in the same house. I bring this up because of the recent abandonments of teenagers in Nebraska.

I belong to a yahoo group for parents who live with children exposed to alcohol before birth. Without giving too much information, I would like to share some pieces of a recent plea made on the group for help. This is an extreme situation involving a very young child. Many will have trouble believing a child so young is capable of such extreme behavior. I am sure that is why this mother is having so much trouble getting the help for her child even though she has been begging for help. Even her husband is doubtful. Apparently, the child does not misbehave when Daddy is present.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: But I Remember Doing It

JuliaFuller — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:32:21 -0500

I cannot tell you how many times over the years one of my daughters with FAS has looked me right in the eyes and emphatically said, “I remember doing it.” For a while, perhaps even a year or more, I believed it. There were times, years later when I still wanted to believe them because they said it with such conviction. In fact, there were times that I still fell for it. However, I have come to realize that I must double check everything, especially if it is something really important.

“But I remember feeding the dogs,” as the dog grabs a carrot stick covered in ranch dressing out of the toddler’s hand and devours it. “But I remember taking my pills,” even thought the pill dispenser for that day is full. “But I remember brushing my teeth,” as the dentist scrapes off the plaque and finds cavity number six. “I remember putting the ice cream away,” as it drizzles out the side of the container onto the floor.

Dissolving an Adoption

FosterMommy — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:45:03 -0500

Dissolving an adoption is a serious decision. Most states consider a parent’s choice to dissolve an adoption as child abandonment. Child abandonment is considered child abuse; therefore, your name will go on the state Child Protective Service Registry as an offender. Having your name on a state CPS registry as an offender means that you cannot work with children anywhere that requires a CPS clearance. Some examples of things you may no longer be able to do are Boy or Girl Scout Leader, Daycare provider, Little League coach, adopt, or provide foster care. The state usually considers the fact that you adopted a challenging child with severe behaviors as irrelevant. Adoption is serious business. Once you adopt a child, any child no matter how damaged, it is as if you gave birth to that child.

I understand your feelings of frustration because I have parented many challenging children over the years. I know it isn’t fair, especially when you did not cause your child’s problems. However, this is the way it usually is. Some people have had success with another option, but it is a long and difficult road. Of course, you are already familiar with that path, or you wouldn’t be hear, right.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Diaries: I Don’t Know

JuliaFuller — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 13:49:23 -0500

During 15 years of fostering children for the state of Michigan, we have helped to parent nearly 100 children. We adopted a daughter who came to us as an almost four year old who is now 15, who has FASD. When she came to us, her diagnosis was cognitively impaired also known as mild mental retardation. Like so many hopeful adoptive parents, we thought it didn’t matter. We thought that with our love and every special service available she could overcome her FAS. In some ways, she has. Today she has an average IQ in the low 90s, and test in the average range for achievement when tests are given verbally. However, life still is not easy for her, or for those of us who live with her. She frequently misunderstands written words making schoolwork a struggle despite an average IQ. She also struggles with writing understandable sentences frequently leaving out words and using incorrect forms of verbs and nouns. This also makes schoolwork a struggle for her. We have tried numerous countermeasures over the years; however, she rarely complies with them even when they really help her succeed. It is not my intent to make fun of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome by this blog. However, sharing experiences helps us keep parenting our FASD children in perspective. Maintaining a lighthearted attitude towards the countless mistakes makes life better for the entire family.

Foster Daughter Had Sex Once Knows She Is Pregnant

FosterMommy — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 21:02:31 -0500

Well it was bound to happen sooner or later after all she is 19 years old and graduated from high school in June. I have had my foster daughter using the Depo Provera birth control shot for a couple of years already as a precautionary measure. Most girls in foster care do not wait until they are adults to start having sex. However, mentally she is more like a 10 year old, with an IQ in the 50 range. Precautionary measures were taken earlier because she can be influenced and persuaded by peers. Especially by those peers with the advantage of a normal IQ, who are initially attracted to her by her beauty and her outgoing personality. She has had her share of handsome suitors. However, once they spend some time talking to her and get to know her a little better, they realize her limitations and do not stick around.

After high school she enrolled in a work training program for six weeks. All of the students in the training program had some type of impairments. Some were emotionally impaired; others were mentally or physically impaired. It was nice for her in a way, because for the first time, she was actually surrounded by her real peers. She felt like she fit in, and made some real friendships with people her own age. Previously, most of her friends were 8 to 10 years younger then her. She started spending time with her newfound friends, which I encouraged. They went to the beach and the mall like typical teenagers and had a great time together.