Adoption Disruption and Dissolution
Adoption Disruption
An adoption disruption is an adoption process that ends after the child is placed in an adoptive home, but before the adoption has been legally finalized; resulting in the child returning to, or entering foster care, or placement with new adoptive parents.
Adoption Dissolution
The term dissolution is used to describe an adoption that ends after it has been legally finalized; resulting in the child’s return or entry into foster care, or placement with a new adoptive family.
Families whom are struggling with exact or similar issues to the ones below may be in danger of facing adoption disruption:
- Misinformed about the child’s special needs
- The child sufferes from severe abuse, neglect, drug exposure, and/ or mental health issues
- Having unrealistic expectations
- Using the child’s response to you as a parent to gage parenting abilities, rather than having compassion for their pain and allowing time to grieve and adjust
- Poor or lack of education and training from the adoption agency
- Failing to access resources for the child
- Believing that love alone will fix things
- Unresolved infertility Issues
- Adopting for selfish motivations, and being disappointed when the child ?doesn't appreciate what's been done ‘for them.’
- Lack of a strong support system
- Conflict with other children in the home
- Having rigid and numerous “rules”
- Both parents are not equally committed to, or parenting the child
- One or both parents are not willing to compromise the lifestyle they had before the new child came home
- Lacking a sense of entitlement to the child.
- Financial strain brought on either by the adding the child to the home or by sudden change in the household such as loss of employment, or moving to a new home, just after the child arrived
- Marital problems arising from difference in opinions on how to handle the child’s special needs
- Family lacks communication and coping skills
- Failure to develop roles, attach, and integrate as a family.
Preventing Disruption
The decision to disrupt or dissolve an adoption is not an easy one, nor is it one to be taken lightly, or made rashly out of anger. Before reaching any decisions about the child’s future be sure to ask yourself the following and examine if you have truly done everything possible on your end to make this placement work:
- What interventions have I put in place specifically for my child?
- What interventions have I put in place for the rest of the family?
- Have I done enough to educate myself about the needs of my child?
- What have I done to support the needs of the adoptive child as well as the family?
- Have I done everything possible to attach and bond with my child even after feeling rejected?
- Have I allowed the child a chance to attach and bond with me? (A minimum of one month for each year of life before any slight change is expected)
- Am I taking the child’s bad behaviors personally instead of looking objectively at the past my child must overcome?
- What support systems have I put in place for my family?
- Am I being realistic with my expectations?
- Is this a temporary crisis or permanent problem?
- Have I attempted to modify my lifestyle and/or parent approaches to meet the child’s needs?
- Is there anything that I haven’t yet tried that could help?
- What is best for my adoptive child as well as for the family?
- Have I put my child’s needs before my own?
If you have already thought of and tried all of the above without elicting any changes within the situation, then an adoption dissolution may be in the best interest of you and your family. While it will pain the family immensely, sometimes the best thing that you can do for a child, is to let a family who is better equipt at handling the special needs of the child do the parenting.
How do you disrupt or dissolve an adoption?
You will need to contact the agency that is handling your adoption if it is not yet finalized, or another agency which handles adoption dissolutions, which is sometimes called ‘replacement,’ or ‘re-homing’, and speak with them about your plans to re-home your child. An adoption dissolution is not the time to hire a lawyer to do a private adoption, trained adoption professionals need to be involved for the sake of the child! Although it is an extremely emotionally charged time, it is important that you be as factual and level headed with your adoption worker as possible so that a valid assessment of the child and his or her special needs can be conducted. Positive or negative exagerations of the child’s behavior will not help to paint an accurate picture of what type of home will best suit the child’s needs. The complete assessment of the child will be made through a series of documents and reports, which will give your adoption worker a global understanding of your child and what he or she needs in order to thrive.
The assessment will include:
- Interviews with the family
- Interviews with any professional regularly seen by the child
- Any psychological testing or reports
- Background information received by parents at the time of the child’s placement
- Child’s health records
- Child’s educational transcripts
This assessment ensures that your child’s new adoptive family will know what behaviors and issues they are signing on for, allowing them the benefit of planning in advance for whatever interventions and safety plans are needed in the home before the child arrives, as well as deciding ahead of time if they can suitably meet the specific demands of parenting the child; both of which greatly increase the chances of a successful new adoptive placement for the child.
Potential adoptive families will be extensively interviewed, to ensure their complete understanding of the child’s needs, as well as to assess both their experience and ability to meet those needs.
The child should have the opportunity to continue any positive attachments that he or she has, both during, and after transitioning into their new adoptive placement. Determine the attachment level your child has to the individuals currently in his or her life, as well as the level of openness, if any, would be most appropriate in order to sustain them. if biological siblings are to be separated during the transitioning process, some level of openness should occur for the sake of the sibling bond. Suffering broken attachments will only serve in further emotional damage to the child and make forming attachments in the new home that more difficult.
Once the adoptive family who is best suited to meet the needs of the child has been chosen, you will have the opportunity to view pictures, speak with them over the phone, or even meet with them in person. This will help you to feel more at ease with the actual replacement, giving you the comfort of knowing first hand that all your child’s need’s will be met. Additional information about the new family can also be shared with your child when it comes time to speak about the re-homing, which can help to ease some of his or her concerns and fears about their new family.
While all of this is going on the legal aspect of the process, will begin. Either the adoption agency or an attorney will help you with terminating your parental rights. Some states require a court appearance for this, while others allow for the signing of the surrender papers to happen in front of a notary, attorney, or an adoption agency representative.
You will need the following for termination:
- Original birth certificate
- Original social security card
- Original adoption decrees
- Medicaid card (if applicable)
- Adoption subsidy information, if applicable
Intercountry adoption also require:
- Original passport
- Citizenship certificate
Some children will require more time to transition to their new adoptive home than others will. Extra counseling for the child may be necessary during this emotionally confusing and painful time.
As soon as your parental rights have been legally terminated, it is important to notify the child’s:
- Health insurance company/ Medicaid
- School
- Daycare
- State, Federal, or other Subsidies
- Previous agency for internationally adopted child
Telling your child
Even though it will be painful for all involved, honesty is always the best policy, especially when dealing with the highly emotional process of telling the child about his or her upcoming transition into a new adoptive home. Do not make promises that you cannot keep, or give excuses that are untrue in order to make what is happening seem easier on either one of you.
It is important that the child understand:
- This is not their fault
- They are worthy of love
- They are worthy of acceptance
- Their needs are important and deserve to be met
- They are allowed to be sad about leaving the family
- They are allowed to love their new family
- They are allowed to be happy in their new family
Placing blame on the child for the disruption will not only result in him or her carrying that blame with them into their next placement making the adjustment, attachment, and bonding process even more difficult there, but in every relationship that the child has from that point forward as well. The complexities of an adoption disruption or dissolution are simply too much for a child to carry on his or her shoulders alone.
Related Articles
- Why Do Some Adoptions Fail?
- Plan, Prepare, and Support to Prevent Disruptions
- Adoption Disruptions and Dissolutions: Numbers and Trends
Most of the children from orphanages, when they leave from there end up in a drug rehabilitation center because the orphanage can't provide them the education the family gives them . Of course it's not their fault. society is to blame. I'm so proud of people that adopt children. Let them be blessed.
Good article. Several points. First, the list of issues the family may be facing reads much like "If you were just better parents, this would have worked." 'Failing to access resources for the child', be there and find out how difficult it is to even discover what resources are avalible, particularly if that resource is going to cost someone some money. 'Adopting for selfish motivations', hello, is anyone home? Of course you adopt for selfish reasons, you want a child, and you want that child. It that isn't your motivation, it is doomed. Goody two shoes reasons won't carry you through the really tough times, it takes a strong very selfish reason to do that. 'Failure to develope roles, attach and intergrate as a family'. You need to go through an adoption that is in a dire failure mode to appreciate how that can be prevented by the constant crisis mode that you are in every day (ie RAD, or FAS kids).
Under Preventing a disruption is the last item, 'Have I put my child's needs before my own'. Ah yes, the icky selfish parent. No, doesn't work that way. The problem is partly that the parent HAS put the child's needs before his own. That cannot work forever. It is just like the airline briefing "If oxygen masks are needed, put on your mask first, then your child's". If you don't keep your battery charged, you can't help anyone. It won't work to do the "I'll take care of me only after everyone else is OK", talk to anyone in AlAnon. Parents matter too.
The last item is a real problem, the idea that we must not acknowlege if the problem was primarily caused by the child. Balderdash, fooey, fooey fooey. I have a son who went through 16 placements in 5 years. Folks told him it was always everyone else, no it wasn't. He could feel that, but because of that BS, he didn't talk to anyone about it. The truth works lots better, 'You blew it' can be phrased in a positive way that is constructive.
Well put, John. I agree completely.
This part of the above article truly irked me:
'An adoption dissolution is not the time to hire a lawyer to do a private adoption, trained adoption professionals need to be involved for the sake of the child! Although it is an extremely emotionally charged time, it is important that you be as factual and level headed with your adoption worker as possible so that a valid assessment of the child and his or her special needs can be conducted.'
Speaking from the experience of dissolving not one---but two older child adoptions.....I can tell anyone that talking to your agency or adoption professional is about the LAST thing to do---if you truly ARE going to dissolve your adoption. For us, despite the damage/danger from the kids, all the system (DCF) could do was point the finger at us while saying, "You KNEW these kids were damaged! If you disrupt, we'll take you to court and charge you with neglect, abandonment, etc.'
Wow.....how encouraging and supportive they were! Instead of acknowledging that we were in a 'no-win' situation for all of the children, their solution was to stick their heads in the sand and pretend it would all just go away. Baloney. Truly, the hiring of an excellent attorney was the best thing we did----and disupted the adoptions without being charged with neglect, abandonment or abuse.
The truth is, dissolution is NOT that uncommon for older child adoptions. The truth is, some older adopted children (and I'm talking about much older children here) live in a home that's simply biding their time until the child is of adult age and the family can send the kid out and finally have some peace.
I daresay, in most cases, the dissolution of an adoption has basically nothing to do with the adopting family, but more with a system that fraudulently presents children to the hopeful parents, and children who are so damaged, they simply cannot live in a tradional home.
Sincerely,
Linny
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Who wrote this and When? Every other post has the author, and the date, why was this one exempt?
John
Hi, John.
This article is part of our "static content" and is, therefore, "filed" a little differently. For example, I write the "Naming the Adopted Child' static content (which links to all of my baby names blogs), but my name is not on it. We divvied up who wrote what static content over a year ago, and I honestly don't know who wrote what other than the articles that I wrote myself (mostly focused on infant adoption).
Either Julia or FosterMommy, both of whom are BTDT parents, will be updating the article to incorporate your comments as well as Linny's. Both agree with your comments and that the article needs those updates.
Side note -- I did not know that comments were even enabled for any static content articles. :0)
- Faith
While choosing a drug rehab program for my child, I was bit confused as there are many such programs are available online. But, Soberliving made me confident and I feel totally relaxed under their program.
Thanks for a very informative article. I guess it is very important to ask yourself the questions you've given above. It is a pity that the procedure of adopting a child is so long and tiresome. I think the demands to the parents are sometimes very high and it just prevents a lot of people who wish to adopt a child from doing this good deed.
Linny,
I agree with your comments. We are in a difficult spot with an older child. It is hard to move forward with life when you live in a home where no one is safe due to the instability and anger of a 16 year old. Locating an attorney here in FL who will assist in an adoption disruption has been virtually impossible. How did you conduct your search? Any recommendations?
Chris,
Understand first and foremost that this won't be easy. It will be incredibly tough. Given that your child is 16yrs old will make it even worse because most courts will see that in two years (or less?) your son will officially be an adult and you won't be legally responsible for him anymore. Do NOT accept guardianship of him for any reason.
Even at 16yrs of age, many courts will allow a kid to become an emancipated kid. Again, not easy, but if you have the paperwork to SHOW that he's been in trouble with the law; that he's had several psych admissions due to dangerous behaviors to others AND himself.....that numerous therapies have been tried without success; and/or the system lied to you about his issues.....
THEN, the process will be more probable than impossible. Keep in mind as well, that even if you CAN dissolve the adoption, it may take a year or two.....and the kid may turn 18 before the dissolution is completed!
Paperwork is the key. It really is. If your son has had no incidents; no reports or claims of dangerous behaviors to himself or others....it may not be possible.
If you have this kind of proof of his behaviors, then an attorney can be found. (I know our own attorney has mentioned that he could work with any attorney in any state.)
If paperwork hasn't been done; consider sending your child to a ranch for troubled kids. Believe it or not, many of the places set up for this will take a kid on a scholarship or basic funding. Depends on where/what you're talking about for certain......but there ARE places.
Much of this also has to do with the dx your son has-----RAD, PTSD, ODD, etc......OR, are there sexual issues. Definately, if there are sexual issues (as in perpetration of other children) some ranches won't accept a kid like this. (And for good reason, of course.) If you need further info, please post here and we'll try to get in touch with each other.
It's a nightmare, I know. I know well. Just depends on many factors though as to how soon you can get out of the nightmare.
Sincerely,
Linny
Linny -
Though the idea has surfaced frequently in the 2 years since our 2 girls came home from Ethiopia (now ages 9 and 15), my wife and I are now at the point where we must explore disruption in earnest. They both have RAD and PTSD and have both spent time in PRTF. We have about reached the conclusion that we can not help them in our current traumatized state.
This article and your responses to it have been a starting point for me. You've given what seem to be good suggestions based on experience. But I need more info. Can you point to any step by step procedure or place where I can find, if not exhaustive, at least definitive information that can help our process?
Thanks so much!
Because you're children are older (and yes, at these ages, they are considered older), the process may be extremely difficult---if not impossible.
Have you done a lot of documenting concerning behaviors and incidents? Is anyone getting harmed through violence, sexual assault or otherwise? (I'm guessing there may be violence due to you both experiencing PTSD?)
I suspect your best bet would be to research for any 'ranches' in your area---and I don't mean just your immediate area....I mean, like within a few states FROM your state as well.
There ARE places who take kids with significant RAD....the problem might be though, if your child/ren are sexually acting out because many places won't consider these behaviors (and with good reason).
Has your child/ren been involved with the legal system? This kind of thing can help as well.
The thing to remember is that once a child becomes 18yrs old (and I'm not sure that's always the case in all states).....YOU are no longer responsible for them. And, should they end up in a residential home or in some facility once they're adults, do NOT become their guardians! Guardianship means nothing. As a guardian, you still cannot make the 'kid' take medication, go to MD appointments, etc.....they still have complete 'rights'.
I hope this is helpful to some degree.
Sincerely,
Linny
"I daresay, in most cases, the dissolution of an adoption has basically nothing to do with the adopting family, but more with a system that fraudulently presents children to the hopeful parents, and children who are so damaged, they simply cannot live in a tradional home."
AMEN!
Also to the TOTAL lack of compassion that the workers have for the parents and other family members - we went into this with all our hearts! But, due to the incredible omissions in the child's file - we are ALL suffering. Do they honestly think this does not rip our hearts apart too?