DAM

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Do You Believe that All Adoptees Suffer from a “Primal Wound”?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 01/06/2010 - 13:50

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

A friend told me about a book that states that all adoptees suffer from a “primal wound.” What is a “primal wound”? Do you believe this is true?

~ Concerned

Dear Concerned,

The “primal wound” that your friend is talking about comes from Nancy Verrier’s book entitled The Primal Wound. In this book, Nancy Verrier (herself an adoptive mother who struggled to understand her adopted daughter’s pain) asserts that all children placed for adoption suffer from a “primal wound” from being separated from their birth mothers. The theory of the primal wound asserts that all children (even newborn babies) suffer trauma by being separated from the birth mother and being raised by a “substitute mother.”

Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Do You Prepare Yourself to Adopt a Child with a Mental Illness?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 12/09/2009 - 12:43

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My spouse has fallen in love with a foster child who has a mental illness. While my spouse is eager to adopt this child, I have my reservations. Neither of us has ever lived with a mentally ill person, so I am not sure if we are the right parents for this kid. How do you prepare yourself to adopt a child with a mental illness?

~ Ill-prepared

Dear Adoption Maharishi: We Are New to Foster Adoption in Michigan and Need Some Advice

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Mon, 11/30/2009 - 00:31

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

I came across your blog and you seem extremely knowledgeable about adoption, especially in MI. We are new to the journey, 4 bio kids and hoping to adopt many more over the years. I'd love to chat on a few issues you may have faced with the system and get some opinions/advice if you ever have some spare time. Thanks so much!

 

Signed,

shpakfamily

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Do Adopted Children Have Different Needs Based Upon Country of Birth?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 10:21

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My husband and I just attended an adoption orientation with another couple who is thinking about adopting a child. We were separated into two groups: domestic and intercountry. Our group (domestic) was told how important it is to maintain a connection with the birth mother. We were told that we could not have a closed adoption because staying connected with the birth mother is too important to the adopted child. However, our friends’ group (intercountry) was told that the adopted child would be just fine without any connection with the birth mother. All intercountry adoptions through this adoption agency are closed.

So, does an adopted child need to stay connected with the birth mother or not? I find it hard to believe that maintaining this connection is crucial in domestic adoption while, at the same time, completely unimportant in an intercountry adoption. You can’t have it both ways.

~ Skeptic

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Why are there infants available for adoption domestically not already matched?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Thu, 11/05/2009 - 20:47

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

We are just getting started in the adoption process. I see many couples who are only looking for domestic infants already available for adoption. Why are there infants available for adoption domestically who are not already matched with an adoptive family? I thought there was a waiting list for domestic infants. Are available adoption situations better than matching with an expectant mother? How does a family looking to adopt find these available adoption situations anyway?

 

Signed,

Wanting to Adopt

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Who Gets the Money for An Adoption?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 12:36

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My wife and I are infertile and have just started looking into adoption. We attended an adoption orientation, where we learned that an adoption through this particular adoption agency costs around $15,000. Where is this money going? Who gets the money for an adoption?

~ Sticker Shock

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Why Don’t More People Adopt Older Children?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 10/07/2009 - 17:13

 

 

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

There are so many children in foster care and orphanages waiting for families. Why don’t more people adopt older children?

 

Signed,

Waiting

 

Dear Waiting,

Many people who would love to adopt an older child, do not think they can afford to adopt. They do not realize that adopting a child who is in state foster care is free. Even if they pay for a private homestudy, they may be able to apply for reimbursement when they adopt a child from foster care. There may be incremental cost associated with visiting the child prior to adoptive placement. Expenses such as travel to see the child, meals, and recreational cost are up to the adoptive family. Older children in state foster care may also qualify for ongoing Medicaid coverage until they turn 18, and monthly support subsidy.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: Adoptive Grandparents Oppose the Adoption

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 13:34

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a child. We decided to keep it a secret until we were matched with a child. This happened last week, and we surprised our parents with the news. I thought they would be ecstatic because they know how long we have been trying to become parents (years of infertility treatments), but they are 100% opposed to having a “stranger’s child” as a member of our family. We had a big argument over the adoption and haven’t talked since. What should I do?

~ Devastated

Dear Adoption Maharishi: I Want to Live with my Birthfather

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Mon, 08/31/2009 - 21:31

Dear Adoption Maharishi,

 

HI, I'm an adopted child I was adopted when I was a baby but now I'm 13 and I just got back form spending some time with my birth dad and now I'm at that "stage" I guess that I'm really wanting to lie with my birth dad I mean the parents that adopted me are great but I just wanna live with my birth dad I haven’t told my paper parents (that’s what they r cuz their only my parents through paper. yea I haven’t told them yet and I probably wont but that’s because It would break them but I just really want to live with my birth dad. kykykloo

 

Signed,

kykykloo

 

Dear kykykloo,

Congratulations on your great relationship with your birth father. Having a positive open relationship with him has surely contributed to the level of self-confidence necessary to make this assertion. Kuddos to your adoptive parents as well, for fostering such a positive relationship between you and your birth father. Adoptive parents frequently suffer from parenting insecurities that prevent them from allowing such an open relationship as you have with your birth father. For reasons known only to them, your birth parents placed you with your current adoptive family 13 years ago, to be raised by them.

Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Can I Help My Child Sleep?

Submitted by Adoption_Maharishi on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 22:57

Dear Adoption Maharishi: How Can I Help My Child Sleep?

I am going crazy. My child came home from an orphanage four months ago. He fights and struggles against sleep. And he badly needs more sleep.

I need more sleep.

I have tried the standard advise of having a predictable bedtime routine. It doesn't work.

~Too Little Sleep