Bobby Binko shared great thoughts on the topic: “Should Prospective Adoptive Parents Commit to Multiple Birthmothers?” Bobby gave Adoption Under One Roof permission to reprint the comment made at the yahoo adoptionscam group, noting that “they are, in fact, my opinions, and not facts, nor me preaching.” Bobby is a PAP, Potential Adoptive Parent. My partner and I, together for over 16 years, reside in south central Pennsylvania and have been working towards adoption for the last four years. We have been in our agency's waiting pool for 3 1/2 years.

I disagree. It is just as deceitful [as a birthmother pretending to place.] When a PAP is working with three or four bmoms at a time, they are manipulating lives. They are leading three of those bmoms to believe that they are building a relationship with their childs adoptive family. Only to be dumped like garbage if they happen to not be the first one to go into labor.

Our Guestblogger today is David Archuletta, author of “Odyssey of an Unknown Father” The Complete Book on Wrongful Adoption

My name is David Archuletta, I am single, 49, and the father of a wrongfully adopted son; no, that is not my TV voice that captivates American Idol fans across the country. My told story will point to a much less auspiciously marked future. Yet, some will say that deservedly, such standing should be the case.

I met my girlfriend when my condition of Parkinson’s was two years diagnosed. It would not take long to find out that her immediate past had troubles as well. I had just turned forty-one, my disease was only progressing, her smile engaging. Thoughts of white picket fences did come to mind; it would not happen. What did happen I will only briefly go over, because as you might guess, what unfolded was not a storybook ending. Suffice to say, my person finds it difficult to talk about this subject in the first-person.

In short, my girlfriend gave birth to, and placed for adoption her son who I thought was stillborn and not of my blood. [This was set-up in a ruse much more complicated in ways and means.] Needless to say, the adopted child was my son, and the reason why I now stay my fight for adoption reform. I would like to take this opportunity to share a proposal for birth father rights. These are only the words of one unknown father. However, found evidence points to other fathers, long lost fathers who might share the same feelings."

 

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When a presumed birth father thinks his child has been adopted without consent, he would have two years to contact his State’s Federal level office in charge of the list. All that he would need to do is give his name, mail or fax a photocopy of his driver’s license, and a signed written statement authorizing the Federal level office to give his name to the person he claims is the presumed birth mother.

Once his identification is verified, and if the birth mother is on the Federally held list, the Birthmother State/Federal level office then informs the birth mother of the inquiry by the named individual. The Birthmother State/Federal office does this by the means of official State/Federal correspondence.

The Birthmother State/Federal office would also send his name as presumed birth father to the Federal office in the State that processed the adoption. The adoption handling State would now have opportunity to inform the adoption agency and/or adoption attorney. All three entities would now be aware of a potential birth father.

This law would only allow the birth mothers name to remain on the list for two years; this being the maximum time limit as some States have different time requirements than other States to finalize an adoption.

I have been suffering from some depression for nearly a year. It began when a foster daughter that we parented on and off for about four years of her life was returned home the end of May. At first, it wasn’t too bad because we were able to see her every week. This is because we had developed a close relationship with the birthparents and extended family members over the years. Then, in September, the family disappeared. We pulled up to the house and found their belongings on the curb. No phone call, no notice, and it sent me reeling into a deep and ugly period of depression that I have only begun to emerge from during the past few weeks. Something rather ironic, perhaps even a “God thing” happened this weekend.

As with any adoption, deciding whether to maintain a relationship with your adopted child’s birthmother can be a complicated decision. If you adopted through private adoption, and agreed to maintain an open adoption with the birthmother, you should keep your word. Of course, there are always extenuating circumstances. However, considerations can be very different when adopting through foster care adoption. If you did not provide foster care for the child, but adopted after parental rights were terminated, you may not know the birth family. That in itself does not necessarily prevent you from keeping the birthmother involved after foster care adoption though. However, it can make you more apprehensive about contacting her.