FosterMommy's blog

Fugitive Orson Mozes Arrested After Years of International Adoption Fraud

2009-01-02T19:42:44-06:00

At least 62 prospective adoptive families are breathing a sigh of relief now that fugitive Orson Mozes is behind bars in Miami Florida after being arrested December 29, 2008. The television show, America’s Most Wanted, profiled Orson Mozes in August of 2008. Not only did he steal money from prospective adoptive parents but he broke their hearts as well. He pretended to have adoptive child referrals from Kazakhstan, Ukraine, and Russia and posted photos on the Internet. He collected money from hopeful adoptive parents to place a hold on the child of their dreams, a child that was never to be theirs, through his Pennsylvania licensed agency, Adoption International Program, AIP. His agency required clients to open a FedEx account, and then wire the agency between $7,000 and $11,000 to hold a precious child for them to adopt internationally.

Records indicate that Orson Mozes may have promised the same child to at least 10 different hopeful families. Then his agency, Adoption International Program, would continue to suck money from these emotionally fragile families. He collected money for processing INS paperwork, homestudies, and referrals. Families invested months of their lives, envisioning the day they would bring their beloved child home. When families are given a referral with a photo to look at, they become emotionally attached. Losing the child, even though that child was never theirs, can feel like a death in the family to families waiting to adopt. While stealing money is bad, toying with a family’s emotions about the life of a precious child is heinous.

Orson Mozes is awaiting extradition. Miami-Dade Florida court records indicate that his case has a scheduled hearing Jan. 7, 2009.Orson Mozes is being charged with felony counts of taking money under false pretenses and grand theft via the Internet. Santa Barbara California prosecutors indicate that 57 year old Moses stole thousands of dollars from 62 people hoping to adopt children from Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Russia. Shame, Shame, Shame on you Orson.

Photo Credit: by yomanimus

New Jersey Has a New Law for Adoption Agency Employees

2008-12-31T20:20:39-06:00

Those of you adopting in New Jersey, or using a New Jersey adoption agency to complete an interstate adoption may soon rest easier. The people providing your adoption services must pass criminal background checks as well as child abuse record checks within the next 60 days. Senator Loretta Weinberg and Assemblywoman Valerie Vainieri Huttle sponsored the legislation, S-111, that Governor signed into law. Adoption workers sometimes transport children to visits with prospective adoptive parents, to foster homes, as well as to counseling, and medical appointments. Prior to the legislation becoming law, adoption agency employees with unknown criminal histories, not only had access to adoptable children, but spent time alone with them.

In order for adoption agencies to receive approval from Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS), all employees must undergo criminal background and child abuse checks. Employees found to have endangered the welfare of a child, substantiated abuse, neglect, abandonment, or domestic violence will be barred from working at an adoption agency in the state of New Jersey. Adoption agencies already established have 60 days to submit employee background checks to the Department of Children and Families (DCF). Whereas newly formed agencies must submit employee background checks to the DCF before they begin offering services. All new employees must be screened within two weeks of hire and must be supervised around children until the background check is approved by the DCF. Agencies not complying will be suspended and may have their license revoked. Employees refusing to undergo screening will be immediately fired.

Frankly, I was a little surprised to learn that agencies could be so lax in their hiring protocol. Potential foster and adoptive parents have been required to go through state and local clearances before licensing for decades. More recently, we are required to have FBI clearances as well. How could workers, entrusted with the safe keeping of children not go through similar screening?

Photo Credit: Banky 177

Shifting Birth Order by Adopting Older Children

2008-12-08T19:14:50-06:00

Many foster and adoptive parents believe that parents should not shift or disrupt the birth order by adopting children who are older than the children already living in the home. Unfortunately, this thinking prevents many older children from finding foster or adoptive homes. Sadly, this thinking contributes to the many teenagers who age out of foster care without ever finding a forever family. As with other forms of prejudice, this thinking may be born from fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of dealing with a person who is already thinking, talking, and expressing opinions. Fear of the possible influence this older child may have on younger children in the home. Rather than addressing our fears, it is much easier just to stick with the status quo and say that we cannot consider shifting the birth order by adopting older children.

Sometimes older children do provide a negative influence to younger children in the home. Sometimes they even hurt younger children, but that is not the case with all older adopted children. It is important to talk with the prospective adoptive child’s foster parents, caseworkers, teachers, and therapists before moving forward if you have younger children. Then insist on visits, talk to the child, and get to know each other. Watch the older child interact with your younger children. Place baby monitors in bedrooms, basements, attics, or other “play areas” so that you can overhear conversations. (Don’t disclose to the children that the monitors are there.)

Older children can and do bond with adoptive families. You can make a difference in an older child’s future by your unconditional love and support. Older children can be a wonderful addition to your family and they can make great older siblings. Of course, you need to set the ground rules as well as set a good example of proper interaction. Nip the hoochie clothing, music with parental warnings, and inappropriate language immediately.

Photo Credit:by ese a be I ene a/a>

What Is Adoption Subsidy, Who Gets It, How Much, and for How Long

How to tell if your child has SPD Sensory Processing Disorder

Adopt for Free and Get Special Needs Adoption Income Tax Credit

How to Prescribe Behavior to Prevent Child Meltdown.

How to Help an Older Child Stop Bedwetting

How to Adopt a Baby or Older Child for Free or Receive Reimbursement

Is Adoption Subsidy Considered Income for Special Needs Adoptive Parents?

2008-12-01T01:15:04-06:00

Is adoption subsidy considered income for the parents of special needs adopted children? The answer is “YES” and “NO! Now how is that for a straight answer? Whether or not adoption subsidy should be included in your gross income depends on the specific situation. If you do not know what adoption subsidy is, read this article first. “What Is Adoption Subsidy, Who Gets It, How Much, and for How Long.” If you are not sure what special needs are, then read this list, "Adoption Abbreviations." In order to answer the question correctly we will consider specific situations and consider possible variances. If you have a specific scenario regarding adoption subsidy as income that is not covered please post your question as a comment. If you are not comfortable posting your question for all eyes to see email me privately at fostermommy. I will answer you privately or write another blog to address the question if more than one person asks it.

Is adoption subsidy income when computing your annual income tax return? Usually, no it is not taxable income. However, there are a few considerations here to consider for those parents receiving rates considerably above base room and board rates. In order to claim a child as your dependent you must provide more than half of the financial support for the child throughout the year. When you divide your income from other sources by the number of people in your family, it should exceed your adoption subsidy amount. If it does not, you may not be providing half the support for your special needs child.

Is adoption subsidy income when applying for loan? Yes, most financial institutions will accept documents verifying income from a state subsidy program. Just keep in mind that when the child turns 18 or 19 in most states, the income stops. However, with most teenagers, the expenses do not stop at that age.

Is adoption subsidy income when applying for free lunches, WIC, food stamps, or other forms of state aid? Yes, these applications clearly state, “All household income regardless of source.” However, keep in mind that WIC programs usually waive the income guidelines for children who have active Medicaid cards. If you adopted a special needs child under five, who is Title IVe eligible, then your child should receive WIC.

Photo Credit: Julia Fuller

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How to tell if your child has SPD Sensory Processing Disorder

Adopt for Free and Get Special Needs Adoption Income Tax Credit

How to Prescribe Behavior to Prevent Child Meltdown.

How to Help an Older Child Stop Bedwetting

Birth Parents of Foster Children Are Always Innocent

2008-11-24T13:33:23-06:00

Having been a licensed foster parent for over a decade I have had the opportunity to interact with many parents. I have always been one of those foster parents that encourage contact and ongoing relationships with biological family members when the agency agrees. With very few exceptions that I could count on one hand, the parents always maintained that they were innocent. In fact, probably the number one reason the parents’ rights are terminated is that they refuse to acknowledge that they did anything wrong. Obviously, if you believed you had done nothing wrong, then you would have no reason to change what you do. It really is not my intent to hurt an adult prior foster child’s feelings with this information, but everyone should be realistic about these things.

Again, let me reiterate that there certainly are exceptions. I can tell you about two specific situations out of hundreds. A mother admitted to hitting her teenage daughter and holding her down on the ground by her throat. Well, I held that teenager myself a few times, but not by her throat. I also had her arrested a couple of times. She was a very difficult teen and I was glad to get her graduated and moved on with her life. Her mother knew she would not be able to refrain from hitting her, so she chose to keep her in licensed foster care until graduation.

There was a case that I did not understand and it could be similar to a case mentioned by one of our readers in her comment. This family had six children in foster care. They did everything requested of them in the case plan; they were 100-percent compliant. I thought the children were going home. In fact, I sent my foster daughter with the first group of three that the state returned, congratulating the parents. Six weeks later, the children were removed. Parental rights were terminated based on the testimony of the psychologist who had done the psyche evaluations. All six children were placed for adoption into four different homes. The adoptive parents have kept contact among the children over the past 10 years. However, I never understood why termination could occur with 100-percent compliance.

More common is the parents who did nothing wrong. One particular family comes to mind. The caseworker, the judge, the GAL, as well as myself, explained to these parents why their daughter was not being returned. To this day, four years have passed, they continue to argue the case and tell how their child was stolen by the state. The house had no water, no heat, and cat and dog feces spread throughout it. The child at the age of seven already had a truancy officer. It took a dentist six months to get her teeth fixed so that she could chew without pain. When she was returned for six weeks, she did not brush her teeth, she did not comb her hair, and she did not get dressed for the day. The in-home service worker had to do these things for her each afternoon when she arrived, although she was supposed to be helping the family learn budgeting and cleaning. The house was not clean and the cupboards contained pop, candy, and chips. Because these parents would not make the necessary changes, the child was returned to foster care when in-home services expired and placed for adoption.

Photo Credit: Flickr by xerostomia

Aging Out of Foster Care to Homeless Shelter

2008-11-21T19:28:29-06:00

I hate to be cynical but it seems like the same old story. Child ages out of foster care, child returns to birth family, child is homeless. The foster care system only allows foster children to stay in foster care until they graduate from high school, turn 18, or 19. Then they are booted out on their own. Research consistently demonstrates that children in the foster care system are emotionally behind their same age peers. Yet, the states who are their legal guardians expect them to fend for themselves at 18 or 19. Yet, most children who have suffered early trauma are not ready to fend for themselves at 18. Of course, the children always want to return to the parents from whom they were removed. In their minds, it was the system’s fault, or the foster care worker’s fault that they were not returned to their parents.

Like so many adult children before her, my most recent foster daughter went to live with her birthmother. Within a week, she was no longer showering, combing her hair, or brushing her teeth. She had lived with me for eight years, always taking pride in her clothes and hair. Like so many other adult children, she no longer needed to take her medication. Six weeks passed, she called periodically needing a ride, or just to chat.

I received a call from her, with her therapist present, she had been admitted to short-term residential. She had quite a severe episode. Apparently, she could not return to her mother’s home. My foster care agency made it very clear to her that if she left my home she could not return. This was not due to the coin collection she had stolen from me shortly before she moved, but a separate incident a couple of years ago. Therefore, once she was released she had nowhere to go, so they dropped her off at the local homeless shelter.

I spent four months running her to appointments after her foster care stopped trying to get her approved for SSI. Nothing has come of that yet. I feel terrible for her, but I have seen this happen with so many children. Everyone knows that the foster care system is not perfect. Unfortunately, dollars continue to be cut from their budget. What the people who are doing the cutting don’t realize is that these children are our future.

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Can My Learning Disabled Child Go to College Someday?

2008-11-20T20:21:07-06:00

When your child was diagnosed as LD, learning disabled, did you give up dreams of sending your child off to college? College or higher education may still be an option for your learning disabled adult child if you do some research. Not everyone who attends college receives a degree; some receive training, or certifications in trades. These certifications typically require less classroom time and some offer a lot less reading which appeals to many adults with LD. Some of the trades programs do not have set classroom hours. This flexibility may suit an LD adult who struggles with keeping track of time and schedules.

Many community colleges have open enrollment policies so your adult child may not need to pass a test to enroll or meet other qualifications. These schools will try to help your special needs with accommodations if you provide documentation.

There are also colleges that cater specifically to LD or emotional impaired adults. Students who receive approval through mental health may receive free tuition, room and board. Once the college has trained the student in a career, the college may offer job placement assistance, and life skills training. One such college is the Michigan Career and Technical Institute, MCTI.

In her book, On Their Own: Creating an Independent Future for Your Adult Child with Learning Disabilities and ADHD: A Family Guide, Anne Ford describes a program at Leslie University called the Threshold program that her daughter attended. It is a program for LD individuals to train them to live independently.

Photo Credit: neeta_lind

Hat and Coats Increase Risks of Head Lice

2008-11-17T20:42:03-06:00

If you have young children in daycare, preschool, or elementary school and your weather is getting colder, it is time to pull out the head lice precautions. Young children are notorious for tossing their coats and hats into piles. It only takes one hat with a few head lice on it tossed into the pile to spread to the rest of the coats. Do you think your child’s hair is too clean to attract bugs? Think again, head lice love clean shiny hair; it is easier for them to attach their eggs to it. If you do not already have an empty spray bottle then you need to get one. Pick up a bottle of white vinegar, a two-ounce bottle of Tea Tree Oil, and some Lavender or Peppermint Oil.

We fill a spray bottle about three-fourths full of water. Then we add vinegar almost filling the spray bottle. We add about a teaspoon of Tea Tree Oil and a little of another essential oil such as Lavender or Peppermint to make the concoction smell better.

Each morning, before school the children spray their hair. Wetting the hair down before styling makes it easier anyway. If your child seems to be a magnet for head lice, or you get a note that someone has it, go ahead and spray the hat and coat. Do not soak them just mist the entire coat and hat.

When your child gets head lice do not use harsh chemicals on your child’s fragile head. Instead, mix one cup of mayonnaise with a teaspoon of tea tree oil, and completely cover every hair on your child’s head. No mayo, use vegetable oil, it is harder to remove though. Leave the concoction on your child’s head over night if possible and cover it with a swim cap. In the morning, or after several hours, wash the hair. If you have trouble removing the stuff, try using a little lemon dish soap. Remember to use your lice comb to remove all the nits. Repeat in about a week in case you missed some nits that hatch by then. You will also need to wash all of your child’s bedding. Add a teaspoon of tea tree oil to the washing machine detergent. Use your spray bottle to sprits the furniture, carpet, stuffed toys, and any other place lice may be.

I am not a doctor, but this has kept our home lice free for over 12 years. Children have stayed at our home for entire weekends when we later realized they had head lice. Other children have come over to play everyday, our children have not gotten lice.

Photo Credit:by foundphotoslj

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When Consequences Are Not Effective

2008-11-12T19:36:35-06:00

Welcome to older child adoption when giving consequences to your child for the wrong behavior do not have the effect that the parents desire. Traumatized children do not respond to the disciplinary measures in ways that “normal” children respond. Yet, most of us stubborn parents continue to try, much to our own frustration. Of course, that results in a lot of negative interaction between the parents and child. Eventually, the relationship disintegrates to an antagonistic co-existence waiting for the eighteenth birthday. Although, some parents disrupt the adoption out of pure frustration and some place the children in out-of-home placements. Some parents figure it out, change their methods, and salvage the relationship.

You may have experienced, witnessed, or heard from a fellow adoptive parent about this vicious cycle of no improvement. The child repeats the wrong behavior for the one hundredth time. The child receives the exact same negative consequence for the one hundredth time. Each time the parent repeats the consequence the child seems surprised, acts victimized, and is clueless about the cause. The child is truly sorry about being caught, about receiving negative consequences, and slumps off pouting, mumbling about how unfair life is.

Let’s recap a little for clarity.

Discipline does not have the desired response, which is correcting negative behavior.

Ineffective discipline destroys the parent – child relationship.

Logically then, a parent should not continue to use ineffective discipline with the traumatized child.

Instead, the parent needs to continue to offer love, affection, acceptance, and approval for correct behavior. Goals with rewards can be offered to reinforce positive behaviors. Time outs may be used occasionally if they are given in close proximity to the parent.

One of the biggest arguments parents have about not using discipline is the reaction of siblings. Won’t the siblings see that it is ok to steal, tell lies, or be defiant? Find subtle ways to encourage positive behaviors in the siblings that may not be obvious to the traumatized child. Reward their good behavior with extra privileges.

Photo Credit Jeff Schwartz, Flickr.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Human Papillomavirus HPV

2008-11-07T19:40:25-06:00

The CDC has issued a new report, “Assessing the Burden of Human Papillomavirus (HPV)-Associated Cancers in the United States (ABHACUS).” The CDC has pushed for the HPV vaccine, commonly known as Gardasil, to be given to all girls and women between the ages of 9 and 26. They are pushing for the younger age to reach girls before they become sexually active, if possible. The numbers that the CDC collected and included in this report will serve as a baseline to measure the success of the HPV vaccine as well as the cervical cancer screening programs. Numbers reported from 38 states for five years indicate that 25,000 cases of cancer caused by HPV occur each year.

Of course, these cancers caused by HPV happened before the HPV vaccine was developed. The cancer sites associated with the Human Papillomavirus or HPV include the cervix, mouth, anus, vulva, penis, and vagina. This list may give you a clue as to why condoms do not offer 100-percent protection against the more than 30 sexually transmitted types of HPV.

Many mothers are not comfortable with having their young daughters vaccinated against HPV. Many prefer to wait until their daughters are 16 years old or older. Unfortunately, the vaccine is most effective when the series of three injections is completed before a person becomes sexually active. For many young women waiting until 16 is too late. Mothers may be unwilling to consider that their younger daughters are engaging in sexual activity or they feel that they are giving their daughter license to become sexually active by pursuing the vaccinations.

Nearly 25 percent of women in the U.S. have been infected with HPV at some point during their lifetime. Remember that most of the time HPV has mild or no symptoms to indicate its presence. This is why the damage is already done before a diagnosis is made. A whopping 75 percent of women have been exposed to HPV during their lifetimes. About 4,000 women die each year from cervical cancer and estimates are hopeful that the vaccine can prevent about 70 percent of those cases.

If you are considering the adoption of an older child be prepared to deal immediately with sexual issues when the child comes into your family. Children not receiving love and affection from parent figures are seeking that love and approval elsewhere. If you are adopting an older child, then your child fits that bill. Once a preteen or teen has become sexually active, they are not likely to stop. If you try to force abstinence in one of these older adopted children and not provide counseling and protection, you may soon find yourself grand parenting. You may also deal with this if you have adopted a child with a low IQ, low self-esteem, fetal alcohol syndrome, or other processing disability that impairs judgment.

Photo Credit Mike Wise, Flickr.

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Socializing With Other Adoptive Families

2008-11-04T18:03:28-06:00

Has your child ever shared with you that he may be the only adopted student in the school or the only kid in the class with special needs. Some of the privacy laws in place tend to isolate children who previously would have found each other. It is easy to feel like you are the only person dealing with an issue when you are an adult who has expectations that are more realistic than some childish expectations. Therefore, it may be important for you to socialize with other adoptive families. Families who are as open about their adoptions as your family. The children tend to feel a certain bond with each other once they find out they have adoption in common. When they are together, they feel normal because they have similar histories, problems, and adoptive families. We once a child at church who thought she should make up an adoption story because she was the only girl in the fifth grade class who was not adopted. She felt isolated and different and that is a hard way to feel when you are a child.

Socializing with other adoptive families also helps the adoptive parents. Unique problems and issues arise within adoptive families that families with just birth children are unable to relate. Sometimes we adoptive parents need advice from parents who have been there and done that to deal with these issues. If you have adopted older children, or children who have special needs, then you need consistent support from someone who is dealing with similar issues to help maintain your sanity at times.

If your area has organized events for adoptive families, you should consider attending. You child may be amazed to learn that so many children are adopted. You may find new friends with whom your family has a lot in common. Sometimes training is offered at low cost or free to help you parent special needs. Services such as respite can be found from experienced caregivers. If you are looking for a new psychiatrists or doctor, an experienced adoptive parent who has been through the ropes might have a great recommendation.

Photo Credit by Lewis Chaplin

Dating Teenagers - Friday Activities, Recreational Therapy, & Socialization

2008-10-31T04:45:03-05:00

When foster parenting teenage girls dating boys is bound to happen. On the one hand, you want your foster children to lead as normal a life as possible. On the other hand, most teenagers in foster care are emotionally immature and have poor boundaries do to years of neglect or abuse. These are not good qualities to have when a girl is alone somewhere with a teenage boy in the throws of puberty. Is there a safe middle ground, a way to let your foster teenager have fun and yet offer that extra bit of protection?

Suggest the girls go out in groups, two or three couples going to a movie together. I take the girls to the mall because there is a movie theatre there. I drop them off so they have their freedom, but also tell them exactly what time I will be back to pick them up. They realize after several times that if they are there at the right time, they will get to go more often.

I realize that this is not 100-percent failsafe. Obviously, they could leave; go into the parking lot, or something. However, as parents we cannot control our children we can only lead them in the right direction. My worrying will not change their minds; it will just make me sick to my stomach and lose sleep. Face it, if the teenager is determined enough, she will find a way to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night or skip school. I have had teenagers do these things in the past. Allowing certain freedoms will hopefully help to minimize some of these bad choices.

When fostering and caring for teenage girls a foster parent soon learns to “get real.” Teenagers need to participate in a wide variety of activities, recreational therapy, & socialization. Thus, I have created, Friday Activities, Recreational Therapy, & Socialization, FARTS. Each Friday, I will talk about introducing and exposing our teenagers to these items. Our teenagers usually arrive delayed in social and developmental areas. What better way to help them catch up, then to immerse them in activities and social situations. Because my foster children arrived in their teen years, I haven’t much time left to parent and prepare them for adulthood. Due to their lack of proper social exposure and expectations, foster parents need to be prepared to speak openly, directly, and without being judgmental about all bodily functions. I recently shared menses issues with you, some of the many discussions I have had over the years. What types of activities, recreational therapy, & socialization programs have the foster teenagers participated in over the years?

Photo Credit: Amazon

Letting the Foster Child Live Her Life

2008-10-30T20:15:17-05:00

Over the years, I have raised quite a few foster teenagers to adulthood. It does not really take very long to raise a child when you don’t start until they are teens or tweens. Being a senior citizen on a fixed income, I really cannot afford to give any financial support to any of the girls once they move out of my home as adults. I do however continue to talk to them on the phone, be supportive, offer guidance when requested, and occasionally one will spend a night or a few days.

My last foster daughter to move out spent eight years with me. The last five months she was here were quite difficult financially because we were unable to arrange for any financial assistance for her. Because I love her dearly, we struggled along because she did not really have anywhere else she could go to live. Then, she stole from me, again, so I had to ask her to leave. Finances are just too tight with caring for an extra teenager without any help from the state, to have money stolen.

She moved in to her birthmother’s tiny apartment. They both seemed happy about he arrangement and it is not very far so she is able to visit. She gave up showering, dressing up, and fixing her hair for hours on end within days of returning to her mother. Strange isn’t it how a previous foster child can revert back so quickly to after eight years of living differently.

I have tried to step back and let her run her life after all she is 19. However, with an IQ in the high 50s, she is more like an eight or nine year old in her thinking, decision making, and even the friends she chooses. She called the other night because she had walked to McDonalds to get supper for herself and her mother. Once she got there, she decided that I should come, get her, and run her home. There was a time in my life when I would have done just that. I have always been a caretaker. However, the price of gas has limited my running around and I am waiting until December 19 for my back surgery. In the meantime, the constant pain keeps me mostly at home. I explained this to her, but she was quite upset. Sometimes it sucks to be an adult.

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Creating Lifebooks - Friday Activities, Recreational Therapy, & Socialization

2008-10-24T16:50:21-05:00

An important part of adoptive parenting or foster parenting is helping the child understand the past. Sometimes you must even help an older adopted child recreate the past. A tool used in foster parenting is creating a lifebook for the child. You do not need to use an actual book called a lifebook. You can recreate the past using scrapbooks. In the past, we had children make drawings of people or places for which we did not have pictures. Another option is to cut some baby pictures out of a magazine that have similar coloring to the child to help fill the void. Obviously, the child helps do this, and the child knows that it is not an actual photo, but it represents the period of life that is missing. It is much easier now that there are so many scrapbooking supplies available to fill pages.

In the past, when I have had a child without a documented history, I have gone out with my camera and the child. We drove to schools that we knew the child had attended, homes where we knew the child had lived, and neighborhoods where the child had played. We took pictures of the child in front of those places to put into the scrapbook. If we had a baby picture, or a picture of a parent we used it. Once, keep this a secret please, I sat outside the courthouse with my camera and a telephoto lens. I took actual pictures of a birthparent as she exited the courthouse. These are the only photos we have of her. I had requested photos and it was denied by the legal guardian, yes, she was and is an adult.

We were able to get copies of school pictures back through kindergarten for one teenager. Her school file had followed her to the various schools. Even though a photo package was not always purchased, a picture was taken for the yearbook. The school places a small photo each year inside the file. We had pictures all the way back through kindergarten. With the ability to scan photos, we could resize and print fairly good pictures to fill in some of the blanks. We also visited various relatives and took pictures with our camera. Some relatives allowed us to borrow their younger pictures of the child, scan, and return them. You never know until you ask what people are willing to share.

When fostering and caring for teenage girls a foster parent soon learns to “get real.” Teenagers need to participate in a wide variety of activities, recreational therapy, & socialization. Thus, I have created, Friday Activities, Recreational Therapy, & Socialization, FARTS. Each Friday, I will talk about introducing and exposing our teenagers to these items. Our teenagers usually arrive delayed in social and developmental areas. What better way to help them catch up, then to immerse them in activities and social situations. Because my foster children arrived in their teen years, I haven’t much time left to parent and prepare them for adulthood. Due to their lack of proper social exposure and expectations, foster parents need to be prepared to speak openly, directly, and without being judgmental about all bodily functions. I recently shared menses issues with you, some of the many discussions I have had over the years. What types of activities, recreational therapy, & socialization programs have the foster teenagers participated in over the years?

Photo Credit: Amazon

Splitting or Separating Siblings for Foster Care and Adoption

2008-10-23T19:21:32-05:00

Splitting or separating siblings is a common practice in foster care placements. This is especially true for larger sibling groups. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for a CPS (Child Protective Services) worker to find a licensed foster home able to accept four or more children on a moments notice. Then, because foster parents are considered emotional parents of the children, if the child’s plan moves to adoption, the siblings end up being adopted separately as well. Sometimes, agency specifically plan sibling splits because the children have been so abused, that they are unable to function normally under one roof. These children may act out sexually together, which can be nearly impossible to control, even with door alarms, voice monitors, and cameras in place as countermeasures. Sometimes, the children have such severe special needs that the agency feels it would be overwhelming for one family, so the children are split.

Some of the splits may be justified, but so many are just for convenience of the agencies, and foster or adoptive families. The children endure the loss of their birthparents, their home, their belongings, pets, and then they are torn away from their siblings as well. People wonder why they complain, or why they are never truly happy. Parents wonder why no forms of discipline seem to work. For a child who has lost everything, what is the loss of one toy, a night of television, or going without ice cream?

Although life and the relationship with the parent was not acceptable, the child still feels a loss. It was the only life the child knew and the only people the child knew. Adoptive parents usually have the option of maintaining some contact between siblings. Many do this; however, many just act as if the child’s previous siblings no longer exist. If there are siblings by adoption in the adoptive home, then those are to be the new siblings, out with the old, in with the new, never acknowledging the kinship connection. It is up to the adoptive parents in these situations to make the difference and the effort to maintain these fragile relationships, these connections with the past.

Photo Credit:bmwwg-note the heart torn apart in the tree trunk