Today's guest blogger is Patricia Dischler, the author of "Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption", a speaker, child care professional and birthmother. Read more from Patricia here.

One of the most difficult balancing acts of the counseling profession is in knowing just how far to push a client. Whether it be to push them towards a decision, an action, a realization, an acceptance; when a goal is ahead that you are hoping to help them reach how do you know how far to push and how far to let them travel on their own? When counseling women, and young girls, regarding their choice in an unplanned pregnancy, you hit many walls that are difficult to break through. Sometimes, help is needed to break through these walls and end up in a better place, but what separates "help" from "pushing?"

As someone who experienced both during her unplanned pregnancy, I can look back now and see which were helpful, and which were not. I received help from many people, my parents, my sisters, my friends and extended family, and my counselor. I was also pushed quite a bit, often by the same group of people. Sometimes, it was clear which was help and which was a push. But often, at the time, it would feel like pushing when, as I see it now, it was actually very helpful.

Providing information is clearly a way to help. When I was given straight facts that I could then use to form my own opinions and decisions, I clearly recognized this as helpful and was grateful. At other times, people would share their opinions and decisions and expect me to do the same as they would, and I saw this clearly as pushing.

The things that fall in between are harder to describe. The clearest example I have is what happened between me and my father after leaving the hospital, and my baby behind. While I had not felt any pushing from my father in regards to making a choice for adoption versus parenting, after making my choice the pushing seemed a constant. Dad was constantly asking me questions such as "Are you going to go find a job today? Do you know where you'll live? Have you figured out what you're going to do next?" When the questions got him (and me) nowhere he stepped it up a notch and would demand I get in the car because he was going to spend the day driving me to different businesses to apply for a job.

I was very angry at my Dad during this time. His pushing seemed unreasonable to me. I just wanted to sit and cry, why couldn't he just leave me alone and give me some time? I felt the pushing was unfair and wrong and began to hate him for it.

Since he didn't stop, I decided the only way to get away from him and the pushing was to get a job so I could afford my own apartment and move away from him, which I did. I won - or did he? After all, I had just done exactly what he had been pushing me to do! I didn't regret getting a job and moving out, I was very happy about it. I finally began to make my life move in a forward motion again and it felt good. I decided to stay mad at him.

Years later, he confided in me that he had only pushed me so hard because he couldn't bear to see me wallow in mourning and self pity the way my Grandmother had when my Grandfather died. She gave up on life and because of it I never got to know her for the vivacious, creative woman she was before. Dad couldn't bear to watch this happen again to someone he loved and vowed to put aside his own grief in losing a grandson and be the parent - and push me back into my life. I couldn't be more grateful.

I see now how "helpful" that actually was. At the time I was too consumed with my own anxieties to think clearly and choose a path, I needed someone to push me a little.

Continued here...

Reprinted with permission from the "KIDSAKE Newsletter," an ezine featuring information for anyone touched by adoption. Subscribe here.