Have you adopted a child from the foster care system or internationally who was not an infant? Did your child come to you with a trunk full of emotional baggage caused by early trauma? Well, have you fixed the kid yet? No, may I ask why not? Isn’t a year or two enough time to fix a child who has been neglected, physically or sexually abused, starved, and who knows what else? Can’t you make your child behave, parents? When are you going to take credit for your older adopted child’s actions? Everyone knows it is your fault. Didn’t the school, therapists, neighbors, friends, and the police tell you that? Surely, they must know. After all, who knows your child better then they do?

Have you ever felt this way? I think it might be even more common with older children adopted internationally then domestic foster care adoption. In order to adopt children domestically from the foster care system parents need to attend hours of training. Typically, these parents are somewhat prepared for behaviors. Well, as prepared as anyone who hasn’t fostered a child can be. These parents also have a place to turn for support. Many of these adoptions are subsidized so at least there is some financial help. Subsidies help to pay for all of the running around for mental health care and Medicaid pays for much of the treatment. 

On the other hand, children adopted internationally have no subsidies or Medicaid. Parents paid thousands of dollars to adopt and then the bills start adding up for counseling and medications. To make it worse, most of these families are not prepared for negative behaviors, words, and trauma. Many feel that they are rescuing a child who wants to be rescued and will feel grateful. Things may get very out of hand before adoptive parents realize they are in over their heads. When you are in that deep, it is hard to imagine a way out. This is especially true, for parents who haven’t had any training in techniques for dealing with victims of trauma and abuse.

What can you do if you are in this boat? Contact your local foster care agency, get online to foster care training websites, and learn. Learn techniques, learn that it isn’t about you, and find a support group. Most towns have monthly support groups for foster parents that are free. Even though you are not a foster parent, you are dealing with the same issues. These are the only people who will understand what you are going through. These are also the only people who can give you effective tips, advice, and respite care.

www.radzebra.org

www.fosterparenttraining.com

www.fosterparents.com

www.fosterclub.com/grownups

www.dshs.wa.gov

www.cwla.org

www.childtraumaacademy.com 

http://parenting/busymommy.us