Trauma Thursday: Where is God When Your Child is Abused?
A reader found Adoption Under One Roof seeking the answer to the question:
Where is God when your child is abused?
As someone who was severely abused as a child, I have wrestled with this question for years. I have written about this topic extensively on my personal blog:
- Getting Past Feeling like God Deserted You after Child Abuse
- Shouldn’t God be Expected to Protect Children?
- Where is God During Child Abuse?
- Where Was God When I Was Being Abused?
- Why Would a Loving God Allow Pain and Child Abuse?
- Words of Wisdom from “The Shack”: Where is God During Abuse?
After wrestling with this question for years, here are the conclusions that I have drawn in a nutshell:
- God never promised us heaven on earth.
- People are responsible for protecting children.
- God’s role is to heal the brokenhearted, not to prevent the heart from breaking.
- God is present as the abuse happens, and His heart breaks as it happens.
- God equips children with ways to protect themselves mentally (dissociation) when they are unsafe physically.
- Only God fully understands the pain that the child has endured.
Child abuse is a despicable act that has lifelong ramifications for the victim, so it is understandable for those who love the child to want to blame someone for it happening. The responsibility is always on the shoulders of the abuser.
My personal experience has been that maintaining a faith in God has been instrumental in helping me heal from child abuse. I am not saying that it is impossible to heal as an atheist – only that my own healing has been greatly facilitated by my faith. If you are parenting a foster or adopted child who has been abused, you are only setting up more roadblocks in your child’s healing if you allow your anger toward God over your child’s abuse to color your child’s faith.
Remember that God is not the one who harmed the child. If you want to blame those who did not protect the child, then blame those who allowed the child to be left in the care of an abuser. However, save the bulk of the blame for the person who chose to steal your child’s innocence. Ultimately, that person made the choice to harm your child, so he (or she) is the one who deserves your wrath.
Photo credit: JulieC
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Thank you, Faith
Thank you Faith, for addressing these comments. These questions were ones I found the most difficult when abuse came into our home. It literally made me angry with God for several days: "How could He allow this to happen to OUR family!!!!"
But my dh suggested: "Linny, your faith cannot be conditional."
That struck me hard; though at the moment, I passed it off. Still, thinking later, it made sense.
You're right in thinking that God doesn't cause the abuse...he only heals (or gives the opportunity to heal) after the offense. He doesn't cause the abuse...everyone---even the abuser, has 'free-will' and so, God really has little/no control over the choices of the abuser. I find it sad, though, that our society allows for abusers to have the freedoms they do. Punishments are far too easy and far too short-termed.
Sincerely,
Linny